Why Dislikes First...

After watching the video about the work of Pastor James and Imam Ashahara and talking critically about their methods in class, I have been really caught up in the idea of presenting the dislikes first, then the likes afterward.  We talked a lot about the confusion that participants would experience when asked to name positive attributes about their enemies.  This would be a very difficult and humbling opportunity for both sides in the conflict.  We didn't talk as much as I thought necessary about what the order allows James and Ashahara to accomplish.

In my opinion, having the dislikes first does give a time to vent about the "other" in the conflict in an organized manner (because let's be serious, the dislikes are coming no matter what the mediator says, so might as well get them out of the way first).  It also wipes the slate clean per say.  Both sides have torn each other apart and exposed their flaws and problems.  Neither side is looking very good, and I think this is a great beginning.  Both sides are at rock bottom and the second part of the exercise (presenting the likes) serves as a method to build each group up from their gloomy state.  Both sides are rising from the ashes as they have just been torn apart by criticism but now are being rebuilt by compliments from their enemy.  This confusing and awkward experience is so powerful because the identities of both groups are being reformed.  Not only is it easier to remember the last thing that someone said to you, but in general people like to be complimented.  Compliments, especially out of the normal realm of behaviors, are humbling.  Humility is at the core of this process.  The willingness to put the desires and goals of the group as a whole over your own individual hopes is a big step.  When the focus is on a bigger scale, the individual interactions can shape the process of rebuilding.